Life is good.  Really good.   I am looking forward to farmers markets this summer!  I am enjoying all the pink blossoms on the trees.  I walked the UW campus and it was so beautiful this week!

and it rained and rained, but it smelled so good and it sounded wonderful on my new metal roof. I love the sound of the rain.  I love to hear the birds chirping in the morning after the rain, as I am waking up.

Life is good.  Truly good.

Bonnie

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I woke up this morning, and I heard the birds chattering and singing outside.  What a wonderful sound that is to hear!  It’s Spring.  We made it.  Do you feel good in the spring? It’s my favorite time of the year in the Pacific Northwest.  It’s also the time for allergies from all the trees and grasses that are permeating the air!

Allergies remind me of just one more medication I need.  How many types of medication can one person take.  I took a strong look at my kitchen yesterday.  And here is what I see…bottles and bottles of medicine, vitamins, gummy bear vitamins, calcium chews and aspirin.  The other side of the box has a tall bottle of Tylenol adjacent to one bottle of Ibuprofen.  Sigh……is your house full of medications?

Its just one thing after another.  Now my diabetes is acting up.  I currently take three types of medication for that, because I have been resisting insulin.  Now I am beginning to rethink that option.  If I could give up two of the pills, maybe I would try it. I guess though, there is no trying it cause you just get on it and do that from then on.

This is all depressing.  Honestly, I have eaten right and exercised the last three months.  Granted now I have a cold, and my blood sugar has been high.  but then it has been high ever since all this started 18 months ago.  Tamoxifen made it the worst.  Even though I quit that, the sugar remains high.  Why does all this stuff have to go wrong at once?  I guess I should be making recommendations here for what to do..because I have to remember my goal:  to help other people on their journey.  To maybe pave a path, that will make somebody else’s life a little easier.  Remember the goal.  Stay focused.

So what can I do?  Diabetes and cancer are kind of linked.  But recently I read articles that said cancer really is not impacted by sugar.

http://www.dana-farber.org/Health-Library/Sugar-and-Cancer-Cells.aspx

This is a good article on sugar and cancer.  Read it please. It has some good information.  Fresh fruits and vegetables are very good for cancer patients.  The article references 12 grams of sugar found in a small orange and 10 grams found in a donut.  However the donut does not consider good nutrients like the orange.  The orange also has Fiber in it!  So by all means consume these good fruits and vegetables.  They have certain nutrients that actually help the immune system and block cancer agents.    That’s good news for us!  For all of us, not just people with cancer or that have had cancer.  I liked the article too because it stressed not worrying because that contributes to higher blood sugars also.

Eat healthy.  Think positive and be happy.  The be happy message is so important.  it includes being kind to yourself and cutting yourself some slack for being human!  We are all jsut human and we make mistakes.  Spend less time criticizing your self and more time loving yourself.  I am doing the best I can on taking care of my health.  I will continue to do so and manage the best I can, day to day.  That’s all I can do.  The rest is in someone elses hands

Thank you God for this day!

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1.  I remember the doctor calling and her voice saying I am sorry, it is cancer.  I was in a field walking my dogs.  Isn’t technology handy, it can bring news anywhere.

2.  I remember wondering who could I call now.  My Mom has Alzheimer’s and doesn’t know me.

3.  I remember being so scared at the first appointment with the oncologist.  Where did my regular doctor go?  Who is this guy?

4.  I remember the weeks of recovering from the biopsy.  I remember the tears.  Twenty two hours of non stop bleeding.  Just apply pressure they said.  You don’t  need pain pills.  #$)*$ them.

5.  I remember the awareness of no more feeling in that breast, after the first lumpectomy.  It was a minor relief from the pain but a horror of the reality. No feeling?  Its been four months. What are unclear margins?

6.  I remember how kind the medical people were.  I constantly needed things repeated to me. No they didn’t get it all.

7.  I remember wondering if I would ever swim again.  My left arm didn’t work right.  Was this part of it?

8.  I remember wondering who would love me looking like this, and that was after surgery number one.  I should have waited until after surgery 3 to worry about that.

9.  I remember telling the surgeon he had given me the Wal-Mart version not the Nordstrom version.  It really didn’t matter because later he had to remove it all.  Rest In Peace Lefty.

10.  I remember teeth coming loose from  the removal of throat tubes when they pulled them out.  I am suppose to be ‘positive’ and not frightened with this.

11.  I remember taking the pills to keep the terror of fear at bay.  Now I don’t dare to  not take them.  Pills became my closest friend.

12.  I remember the feeling of estrogen in my body racing, feeding the cancer and the hope that the hormone blocker would work.  The verdict is still out.

13.  I remember surfing the web and reading what my future would be.  It was scary and good.  My sense of security, stability and confidence were imploded like the destruction of a building.

14.  Most of all I remember the stupid things people said to me.  I could write a whole book on this topic.  I release them and let it go. Others, like family, just stayed away.  It all hurt.

15.  I remember when I forgave myself.

I am not writing any more about this today because I can’t quit crying.

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