I am like an ‘energy’ project. My body is on conservation mode. Its like I have a thermostat, and I only get so many hours of the day when the thermostat is set to be ‘on’. I am learning I have to Conserve my energy for activities, that I need to choose selectively. And, I have to ask my friends to give me some slack at times I don’t feel like I can go out or do something. The thought of walking all around the mall made me tired.
But balancing activity and rest for me works if I balance my physical activity by taking frequent rest periods. When going out with a friend, I have had to ask that we slow the pace down. Nothing irritates me like somebody walking in front of me expecting me to keep up.(I had a husband that did that once, and it still irks me). I would rather go alone. It strengthens me, and I go at the pace that I can go at. I eat regularly planned meals, because on top of the C word, I have diabetes. Even if I don’t plan the meal, after ten years of this I know what time I need to be eating or snacking. If I don’t do this, I can be in trouble with low blood sugar pretty quick.
Managing the side effect of fatigue for me is probably more related to stress, and anxiety and all the change I am under. It probably is contributed to by the lack of me not asking for help, something I have never been very good about.
Have you ever had hints that you ignore? I think about a book I read once a long time ago about the type of people that get cancer. It was called The Little Red Hen, you know the story about the hen that did everything and she thought nobody would help her, so she did it herself? That article wrote that the Hen is the one who gets cancer. The Hen is the one that tries to save the family, blah blah blah! I never want to be the Hen again. Maybe that article was trying to tell me something.
I really don’t know what I am suppose to say here because my audience has expanded, and I feel like I am letting the world into my diary and it is INVASIVE. But the doctor thinks its good. I write, you might read, and I heal and recover. I am into that.
Fatigue I have learned is a side effect of this entire experience. I am sure it would be worse if I had chemo, but I didn’t. But these pills are no picnic either. They said I might have hot flashes. Honey, I would welcome a hot flash. I have been Cold for months. I could do without the nausea but like many things in my life I ignore it.
There is nothing like sleeping with a knit hat on, electric blanket, a down comforter and the furnace on 72. and I am still cold. Hot flash? Bring em on!
Yesterday, I was going to clean the house but it wasn’t raining. See my thought process here? One shouldn’t stay inside if it is not training. So I went off to the mall and shopped a bit, and walked. I decided it was easier to walk indoors than out, a lot warmer too. However, I started to worry about all the flu that might be in this place. I am getting a little bit to much like Howie Mandel about not wanting to be near germs, and not shake hands. And I sure am not ready yet to have somebody hug me!
Where did all these people come from at the Mall? They were everywhere. Maybe after the ‘fiscal cliff’ thing, people decided to shop. I did get a good deal on a pair of shoes. I have a sign on my wall that says “a woman can never have enough shoes, or friends”. I am sure the picture is correct. I got a good pair of Clark’s walking shoes.
I am not tired today. The Seahawks play this afternoon and I want to watch the game. But when I feel good, I feel like I should get out and get something done. (There’s that damn word should the therapist warned me about) My arm is happy today to, so far. It will swell like a balloon later but not until 6pm ish. I am off all pain meds, everything even the Tylenol. And I am doing okay. I don’t sleep well. I got up this morning and turned on the light, thinking about a cup of coffee. When I opened the refrigerator to get my half and half, I noticed the time on the stove: 2:20. Well, I guess it isn’t quite time to get up, is it; let alone have coffee. I reluctantly go back to bed, talk to the dog for a few minutes till she starts growling …”shut up and go back to sleep”. I try reading, the dog climbs under the blankets now…totally displaced with me having the lights on. I don’t give a crap about the book either. Dr. Wayne Dyer says waking up in the middle of the night is good. It is suppose to be a time of divine revelation. I listen. Nope. Nothing. No revelations, no earth shaking awareness.
I am either wide awake or dead tired. There seems to be no reason either way. I am adding exercise each day, working up from 15 minutes to 30. I use to think nothing of a fast paced walk for 60 minutes every day……….well that is not going to happen. I would get somewhere and somebody would have to come get me.
Speaking of which, Monday I am off to a store in Seattle that provides special products for patients. Insurance covers many of these items. I need to find a swimming suit and get back in the water. Their info follows:
Shine is open Monday-Friday: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturday: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. We are located next to the SCCA House at 207 Pontius Ave N, Suite 101, Seattle, 98109. Free Shuttle Service from SCCA. Contact us at: email@example.com; (206) 288-7560 (p) or (206) 288-7167 (fax). http://www.seattlecca.org/shine.cfm
Well, have a great day! Go Seahawks! Its almost time! I have rattled enough.