As I woke up this morning, there was a bit of hesitation in my step and my attitude. I knew as the day progressed I would get through a meeting with my student adviser on taking an exam I am dreading. Next up was my physical therapy appointment and they changed therapists on me. One thing I have come to learn about myself in the breast cancer challenge, is that I like things to be consistent. I don’t mind adding people to my life but I do not like taking them away.
Last u p on the agenda was the meeting with the oncologist. I had not seen him since the big surgery. All my blood work was done and the tests waiting evaluation. I nervously went about the day. I avoided caffeine so not to up my anxiety level. I suffer from anxiety problems anyway, so when its real, it rises to the surface.
Wandering around, picking up dishes, feeding the dogs, trimming Mimzy’s bad nail and giving her a few extra pats as I sit in the chair and prepare for the oncology appointment. I finally gave up and left an hour and half early and went and got a pedicure! I had not been in six months and my toes were in need!! I don’t wear polish anymore because of the formaldehyde in most polishes. Oh the pedicure was fantastic.
I felt like crying on the way to the oncologist. I was so emotional. What the heck is this all about? I sat in the parking lot in the car for 20 minutes. I was thinking about waiting for the results just last August. Sitting in the car, just like today, waiting to find out. and then it came…..I just didn’t want the same result. I don’t know how people do this.
Well, it was good. The results were pretty good. Yes my hair is falling out but he thinks that is stress. I need to de-stress for the next foreseeable future…like ten weeks. holy cow, ten weeks? And I shouldn’t go back to work either. Hmm well I am going to school, and should not sit to long at the computer or have my arms in the wrong position.
I have a frozen shoulder. Well, I was so happy I didn’t have cancer anymore I could hardly worry about the shoulder. I will do the physical therapy. I can spend less time on the computer. More time walking, breathing, and maybe traveling around the PNW.
I am so thankful. Wow. This total load was lifted, even from my poor frozen shoulder. I massaged it and told it that we are at the end of all the stress, and I will be all right.
