Spring, can it be on the way? Today it was nearly 65 degrees in cloudy Seattle. A sign of spring with out the sun rays.
Have you ever noticed, or is it just me since I have had this breast cancer; that breasts are everywhere? And people are talking about them everywhere from cancer to Victoria Secrets 2 Million dollar bra. It’s all about breasts. It makes me very self conscious. And then I think, but no body knows. Nobody can really tell, unless you tell them. I mean really, how many people see you naked in your lifetime anyway? Let alone at 60!!!!!!!!!! LOL Maybe it isn’t so bad afterall.
But all the fashion ads, reveal cleavage! At the Oscars, its all about cleavage. Oh, that is just California. Everybody from California is obsessed about what is all on the outside.
Even breast plastic surgeons are promoting breast reconstruction. Have you ever thought about this? I never had before. They can construct you a new breast by removing that fat (yes that stuff you didn’t want anyway beneath your belly button) from one area and transferring it to the new ‘breast’ area. At first I was kind of excited. Wow, I would get a tummy tuck out of this too, and all included in one price for the after mastectomy breast reconstruction!
What they fail to tell you up front is that you will never feel this breast. When you think about it, well how could you? Just because they put fat inside a flap of skin…well you are not going to feel it. It will be numb an just a thing hanging in the front of you. You can never exercise to make it better, it is fake. There is no getting around it, it is just fake. It is never going to be sexually stimulating to you personally, like a real one is sensuous.
I think the whole thing is stupid. Undergoing another surgery and all the pain and then it still won’t look real unless you make the other one match. oh boy, yes sure, you betcha….yet one more surgery. Sigh…I am now almost wishing I had taken off the other one. Instead of sitting and worrying about whether it will develop cancer (which I am not particularly worried…I despise worrying) but I am so off balance by one on the right and nothing on the left. All those of you that know me, know I was not particularly small either. So its pretty obvious something is missing.
And then there is the prosthesis but I think that was already in another blob…oh excuse me I meant blog…no maybe I did mean blob! Those things are worthless…and I do mean useless.
Okay, I am trying to be positive. I am glad to be alive. Three months and still healing. patience…one thing at a time.
Moving right along, things will get better. I so appreciate this forum for me journaling and sharing because it has helped me to get better, if not physically it certainly has mentally.
All the people that I have come to meet, here and online on twitter. I just never knew such a great world existed. People are truly good everywhere in the world and I think most people, when given the opportunity, will extend a hand to help another person! I have met truly some of the best people since I was diagnosed with cancer. I have gained knowledge, faced challenges and come to realize just how strong I really am.
Its going to take more than cancer to kick my butt.
Have a great night!
Bonnie
