Traveling to Idaho, Exhausted and Plastic grave flowers!!

Wow I am exhausted. I just got home. Its only a 250 mile trip but I took it alone and its the first trip out side the house since I got this cancer almost a year ago!  The driving got tiring coming home.  I think on the way I was so excited, I didn’t care.

I did not even take one pain medicine while I was gone. Tonight might be another story but not all week!  That is great. (Or maybe the margaritas in Cdal helped a bit with that? he he) Oh well its not often!

I love the drive from Seattle to Coeur d Alene. I get so full of anticipation as I drive down the hill on I90 into the Spokane area! I know I am almost home then!  I have lived over here most of the last thirty years but it still feels like going home.  My parents are gone from there now.  My father died in 94 I think it was and my mother is in Paulsbo in hospice but all my life long friends are over there!

I also went shopping at the dollar store! Stop laughing! Yes they actually have a dollar store that contains all the weird little odds and ends that you really need in life.  For instance, they have greeting cards two for one dollar!!  Imagine, birthday cards for 50 cents. You are not going to find that anywhere in Puget Sound. I don’t even believe they have a dollar store.  Here it would be a five buck store.  Everything is so expensive but then you know…you pay for the ambiance!  LOL

And we do have top notch medical care!  Thank you doctors!

My one year check up is just around the corner and I have to say, I am just a wee bit nervous.  I feel good but we all know that is not always an indicator.  Next week I think I have to get all my blood work done and then I don’t know what else.  I have to go to the ophthalmologist because they are watching my optic nerve.  You all know where that is right? In your brain!  This makes me nervous.

Whatever is….already is.  I have to remember that and just deal with it on day by day basis.  This day is a good day.  No one is guaranteed anything more than this moment.  That reminds me, coming across the prairie the wheat fields are all green….as I was driving I was thinking that I expected to see three large Teletubbies come running up over the horizon!!! What a scream huh? It was just like something out of the Windows Operating system old cardboard cover.  Doesn’t take much to amuse me, does it?   Oh well you must maintain your sense of humor.  Otherwise life will suck it right out of you.  :)

I loved seeing some of my friends I haven’t seen in a year.  It was good.  Its important to really remember why you love people and how it feels, in your heart and soul.

Life is such a gift….oh how I truly know this to be true.

Sunday is father’s day.  My Dad has been gone a long time now.  I still remember him of course.  I can’t say I remember alot of my time with him as being especially good…but I don’t remember it as being all bad either.  I remember him sadly as an angry person who was very hard on my brothers.  But my dad kept a very large secret in his life.  He kept that secret to protect my mother.  He loved my mother very much and would have done anything…absolutely anything for her and to keep her love.  Alas, it was not to happen.  She left him eventually.  But we all do what we have to do and only the two people in a relationship really know what happened.

But I felt my father kept my mother’s secret for the benefit of his family.   He put his family above his own personal ego and did the best he could.  I guess that is a man I can respect.  As I have grown up and aged,  I realize that a book is not always as it cover appears.  We have to go inside and see what the real story is.  So with this, I wish you a Happy Father’s Day dad, wherever you are!  And please forgive the artificial flower I placed on your headstone so hastily today.  I thought maybe the color would last the summer…I miss you!


About Bonnie

Breast Cancer survivor owned by one old Shelty and a 3 pound Yorkie named Mimzy!
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