The Day After Christmas

Good morning,

I decided to change the look of the web site.  Something not quite so dark and looking towards change.  I hope you like it.  I promise to keep ads or other items to a minimum.  The page will grow, as I do!

Life’s what happens when you go to Plan B.  Things will be different, not necessarily worse nor better, but different.

Cancer and cancer treatment is like that too.  There are just as many options, choices, and cancers as the tree on the top of this page.  No two are alike, and no two treatments are alike and most likely, the outcomes will be different.   Kinda scary walking down that road, but what I am learning from everyone else on the journey, that its not all bad.  In fact, its hard to appreciate the light until you have seen darkness.

When I first started my journey, I went back to a doctor I had known for almost 15 years..maybe more. I had wandered away and tried a couple of others.  But I went back because I trusted him.  I needed somebody to trust.  He found my team.  Many times, other survivors told me to get another opinion, especially if I was scared about something.  But I didn’t.  I put my trust and faith into the team I went with.  It gave me peace of mind, and I held nothing back. When I had a question, I asked.  If one of em could not tell me, I asked another one.  When I worried, I went to the social worker at the hospital.

Baby steps.  Financial worries.Being single and living alone, this was a daunting experience.  How can you think about what bill to pay, when you are sleeping all the time, on meds that would knock out an elephant and nervous about the next surgery (when the anti anxiety meds wore off).  I didn’t worry long.  I popped another anxiety pill.    You do what you have to do to get through it all.  I could relax and make a decision, or at least live with it.

Being an analyst. I found the entire process very interesting.  Instead of reviewing some boring IT report at work, I was learning and utilizing the latest technology in medicine.  Most of the time, I was awake and under a local for things that were done.  Its amazing to watch how they can track how fluids travel in your body.  I didn’t know anything about how my breasts worked before this adventure. I mean I knew they were to feed babies but that was about it.

They are actually more like an oil filter for your car.  They carry fluids in and out, and filter bacteria and send fluids out to your arms and back again.  Down one side and all around and back in through the other one.  Kind of like a car engine.  Lucky we are not cars, because we have two filters.  I don’t know what happens when women loose both of them.  I don’t want to find out.

I know though, that when you get knocked down unexpectedly, you have to reach in your soul somewhere and decide to get up.  There are many days when getting up doesn’t seem like its an option.  But you must get up.  Pull yourself up.  Build a new dream.  Even if your dream is not feasible, dream and do it.  If I can’t stand the rain, I pull the drapes and put on some good music and dance.  I am using it as my new therapy to revive this arm that doesn’t like to do anything but type.  Isn’t that interesting, I can still keyboard like the wind!  My old brain sends the message out and off it goes.  I pay for it later, but I think its good for me.

When you get on a roller coaster, throw your arms in the air and start screaming and enjoy the ride.  I might only have one arm up but it is UP!!

Today I am writing my check list.  I need lists and I post them everywhere but mainly on the refrigerator.  Where am I suppose to be today?  I keep missing my eye appointment, whats up with that?

I hope you all have a great day, and remember Plan B – when life turns left!!!!!!!!!

I think Nelson Mandela was the one who said a goal is a dream with a deadline….thinking about my goals and what they are now.

About Bonnie

Breast Cancer survivor owned by one old Shelty and a 3 pound Yorkie named Mimzy!
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