Loving this moment – Living this day!

Happy Friday Night,

A lot of you are probably just crashing after a long hard week at work.  I never thought I would miss working, but I do.  However, I am really enjoying going to school also.  I am taking a class on organizational management and there is a course chapter about entrepreneurs and intrapreneurs.

whoa.  I re-read yesterdays post.  I am starting to sound like me again.  Way to busy.  Sometimes it really helps to go back and read what I wrote before!  I don’t do that.  I just press on.  I know I am making progress and this blog has really helped me.  But I look at my posts, and I don’t want to go that direction – the direction of being so focused and driven that nothing is good enough.  Oh, am I worried about repeating past performance and over doing it? Am I worried about a reoccurrence of cancer?  Sure I am.

The world of cancer is bizarre because no one can tell you what caused it.  My primary physician said “maybe it was just bad luck”.  I go right in to the stage of grief called “bargaining”.  I won’t do this and I won’t do that anymore.  Eating has become a conscious priority, with diligence spent on eliminating processed sugars and processed foods.  But exercising has not yet become an involuntary process.  It takes work.  It takes ‘awareness’ and in my face goals.

I know that I didn’t do anything to get this, and in my head, I know I will do what I must to keep it away.  But I don’t want to take those pills.  They made me feel terrible. I am more afraid of the consequences of taking Arimidex than I am of fighting cancer.  But cancer can come back with vengeance and it is serious harsh business.  I don’t want it back.  Ever.

But will I change?  I guess that is the question.  how much pain and misery does it take to make one change.  And do we ever really change.

What is good enough for our lives?  How much time is enough time?  What about quality versus quantity?  The problem is, it’s harder to die than we think.  Cancer is not a quick exit normally.  Nope, it takes its time and makes your life miserable.

In the future, I might quit writing this blog.  I am trying to find my way.  What does all this mean, and what am I suppose to be doing with the time I have left.

Have a good  night.  Enjoy that glass of wine.  Enjoy sitting on the sofa with your kitty or loved one.  Enjoy a cuddle. This moment will never be back, and did you spend it wisely?  wineglass By the way, I want my flowers when I am on this side of the grass!!





About Bonnie

Breast Cancer survivor owned by one old Shelty and a 3 pound Yorkie named Mimzy!
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