The Tree of Cancer

Taking it easy today, not setting expectations to high of myself or of others. Just making it through and thinking of what I wanted to write today.  Don’t feel much like informing today, it’s the holidays and we all are at maximum capacity. What can I give?  Peace if I could.

Being thankful, drinking hot cocoa and eating some ginger bread cookies that are delicious.  Grateful for my health today.  Enjoying good friends. Looking ahead to the future.  Positively enjoying this day.  Soaking my feet in an herbal bath with candles lit everywhere.

I am remembering a lot of Christmas’s past, when I was a kid.  I miss my little brother who died a long time ago.  We were little devils, sneaking peeks of toys that my mother stashed where we did find them.  We were experts. We carefully undid the scotch tape on the edges and opened, just enough to see what was in there.  We never opened them all the way.  Just enough to squeal in delight and share with each other what we were getting.  We shared giggles and looks for days before Christmas eve.  It was fun.  My mother loved giving presents.  She didn’t always pick out the obvious things we wanted, and in later years we use to love to laugh at the things she came up with.

They were good memories.

I wish all of you, a peaceful, sane holiday; and if it isn’t, just relax, it will be over in two days.  Cling to the good and release the bad.  Smile and release endorphins.

I got a book for Christmas.  Its Called 7 – How many days of the week can be extraordinary?  The book is by Annie Dillard.  It has a nice lime green book cover and on the inside cover it says “One of our greatest illusions is that someday we will have more time to savor and enjoy the things we really love.  But one thing leads to another, and someday never comes.”   I think this is going to be an interesting gift.

Someday showed up on my doorstep this year.  It reminds me that this is my life, all of it; the good and the bad, the happy and sad, but at least I am here to experience it.  There really is no such thing as an insignificant day.

Another quote in the book is from Patricia Clifford: “Do you still believe?  The work will wait until you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won’t wait until the work is done.”

I thank God for all the people that have crossed my path this year, and wish you all well.  Look for the gifts in your life!

Hey All,

I spent the afternoon outside!  Fantastic, and a rare opportunity in Redmond in the winter.  I was feeling good, and I got a great idea!! Let’s put up those Christmas lights!

My house is on the corner and it is very dark as you enter the street when its cold, rainy and Seattle type weather.  So off I went to my closet to find the lights and to the shed to find an extension cord.

First of all, I was stupid and went to Target to get an extension cord without looking in my shed. If you knew how dirty my shed was you would head to the store to.  However, that was not such a smart idea yesterday.   Every late shopper and their dog, were at the store.  When I turned into Jiffy Lube to have my radiator checked, the sun caught me in  the eye and I ran over the curb.   Sigh……..ya know, being on a limited income, trying to recover from this stuff, I probably shouldn’t be driving but I have places to go.

The nice Jiffy Lube men (plural mind you) helped me get the car off the high centered concrete thing.  That concrete was to big anyway…but oh what a mess it made under my car. And I thought my leaky radiator was a problem.   Oh boy, oh well it got me home!  But I forgot the extension cord.

Back to the tree lights.  Here I am with one arm trying to get them out of the shed.  I have really learned the mastery of dealing with one arm, that I can’t use to much because it stretches the other side.  When I finally got my 8 strands of tangled lights out of the closet, four of them were dead.  Not to be discouraged, I settled on four strings.  How many do I need anyway?

Next came the darn shed where the door was stuck closed.  Where is there a strong man when you need one (out Christmas shopping)?  I finally took a paint roller extension pole and got it hooked around the darn orange extension cord (good thing it was orange or I never would have seen the damn thing in the shed that has no lighting).  Oh you wait till I go back to work and get some money…I am going to fix up this place.  For those of you that don’t know, I bought it four days before my diagnosis in August.  It was suppose to be for an older relative, but that’s another story.  Life Turned Left!  Anyway, it needs work which I can’t do yet, and can’t afford to get done. It can wait.

So next I found I only have one outlet, on the backside of the house. Lucky for me the extension cord went all the way around the house. I put the lights across the front of the porch, all over the trees (I love my yard here) and bushes.  And tonight, it makes me happy to look out at the lights….twinkling…they are like hope…hope that life is moving forward, that things are getting good again.  Hope that things are healing, and celebration of our God, who is good.  So tonight my little lights twinkle towards the heavens and say thank you to God who extended my stay one more Christmas.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!!!!!!

I have something to share from an article by the Administrator of Idaho’s Health and Welfare:

Please read at least part of this interesting article on Taking Responsibility for the Citizens of Idaho’s Mental health.  It really refers to ‘all’ of us in this country.  Ross Edmund’s has some wonderful points to make about hope and support for people with illnesses.  Instead of guns and detectors maybe we need a new attitude towards those that need help.

Quotes from the article which appeared in the Idaho Press, a Boise paper Dec 21, 2012.

“In media coverage of the horrific tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Conn., I heard repeatedly, “Somebody has to do something.” As the Idaho Department of Health and Welfare’s Administrator in charge of the state mental health system, and more importantly as the father of three young children who attend a public elementary school, I believe we all can do something.

Good Morning,

I am not tired today, and I got up feeling great.  Staying away from sugar is hard this time of year but I need to because I think that attributed to me being so tired.

If I take care of myself, eat right, and avoid stress I feel a lot better. We all know we should do it, its just hard to.  Making a decision ahead of time, and setting a goal helps me with that.  I have started to  exercise my left arm.  I learned quickly to do them later in the day because I don’t feel so good afterwards.  The movement in my left arm is improving very slowly. Its frustrating and its been the worst irritating of this whole process.

Now you probably want to know why the arm is not functioning. But if you think about it, our bodies are so connected by tissue, muscles and blood vessels.  My arm is swollen and the shoulder is numb.  There is some kind of fat pocket in the arm pit that is annoying to.  It had a drain in it, and they left extra skin/ fat in case I want to have a Flap reconstruction (like as if I am ever getting on the table again).

Lesson learned here:  Well, if you would ask my children they would tell you that I have never done body fluid things very well in my life.  I mean I have been just in capable of dealing with other peoples vomiting, and bleeding or anything. A nurse I am not. However………after this, I am pretty use to those things. I know that when I was in the hospital, I did pretty well but there were people in there with horrible horrible things and I left feeling and knowing that I am so lucky!

A friend just told me a good positive story this morning, that her mother is a 20 year survivor.  I love good news!  The last week was kind of hard on me, because another patient I met, when I first went into treat died on Thursday.  Everybody’s cancer is different, and everybody’s treatment is different I know.  But I really took it hard when Elaine died.  Her and her husband Keith had a blog, which was really good.  It just bummed me out.  I really need success stories and positiveness.  So I appreciated Carrie this morning when she told me about her mom.   Congrats Mom!

I am reading about nutrition online.  I have been researching what I should eat and how to take care of myself.  Its all pretty confusing but I am going for the fruit and vegetables plan with low meat and dairy.  Since I have had cancer already, literature shows that 7-9 servings a day of fruit and vegetables is important.  These are not things that make you gain weight either.  So my regiment pretty much is granola, blueberries and organic yogurt for breakfasts.  I have tried to stay organic and no chemicals in the meat, but its pretty expensive but I try when I can.  If I can’t afford it, I don’t buy the crap, I just do without.  We are pretty lucky in this area that fruits and vegetables are plentiful all year around.

A good way to remember that I took from somewhere is GMOBS.  Which stands for Greens (all green veggies, add Kale especially),  mushrooms (all kinds of literature on this now and on tv recently  on King 5), onions (lightly cook them and add to other food), Berries (blueberries, raspberries, blackberries) and Seeds.  Seeds are especially good and includes flax, sunflower, walnuts, almonds and others.  All these things are really good for you.  Its just doing it, and shopping, etc.  Since I can’t carry much, I depend on home delivery or sending someone to the store to get it.  My neighbors have been great, and friends too!  Wow, it does take a village.

A priceless item to own is one of those hand claw things for picking up off the floor.  Then no bending or pulling on the incision site. Although now, I am much more mobile than I was and exercise is good. I am going to attempt to clean my house today.  How does one person make such a mess. I will blame it on the dogs!!  However I don’t think they put a weeks worth of jeans, and socks on the bathroom floor.  And I need to repair the bathroom door, it  doesn’t close as my friend Sam found out the other day when we were working on the web site. Sorry Sam!  I really didn’t hear!

Someday this site might be beautiful in color and have pictures but for now I have just tried to focus on content and getting it set up.  Maybe the site will unfold as my health blooms!!

Waiting for spring. (on the first day of winter).  Another good thing, the world didn’t come to an end today!! LOL   I would have been mad after all the effort I put in the past five months to stay alive.

Have a great day.  Bonnie

I think I am too tired to do a  post today, but here I am, late, I am sorry.  I am just so tired.  Wow, yesterday I took the bus to Seattle, had an appointment with a fitter(go ahead ask what a fitter is), had lunch out and took the bus home.

This is my first trip out besides to doctors appointments since the last surgery November 13th.  Maybe it is the weather to. It didn’t help that it rained and I was soaked.  Everybody was soaking wet in Seattle the last few days.

I had a nice experience at Nordstroms and thanks to them for trying to make me look great.  I had some makeup done, and then I got fitted, and it was so weird I can’t even write about it yet.

Its all to new.  I am going to bed, bury my head in the covers, maybe watch Ellen and Jay Leno.  Maybe read. Maybe just sleep.

I came off all my pain meds last week.  It could be partly that.  I need sun is what I think I need.  It should be back by May right?

Sorry for the minimal post.  Cancer makes you tired. Even when you are recovering from it.  Where is my blankie?

Good afternoon everybody!   What’s a good thing to do in Seattle while recovering at home?  I mean besides looking for a new job. I mean, you can only   look at employer career sites, and call and ‘bug’ all your contacts so many hours  day:  READ

I love reading.  I have used the King County Library so much these past few months.  Its great, cause they have visiting libraries in my neighborhood and you can order ahead of time, and they bring it to you!

Our generation has definitely changed the way we communicate. I think its great, because you can get information so much more quickly, and you can check it out for validity and make a decision.  There is a new book coming out in January, that I am looking forward to.  This book is called From Pigeons to Tweets, by retired US Army General Clarence McKnight.   McKnight was in Korea, where he was instrumental in utilizing pigeons to communicate; and later in Desert Storm where he was instrumental in implementing technology on the battle field.  Wow how our country and world has changed just in my life time. This book is available 1/15/2013 at your local book store.

I remember my brother and his pigeons.  He would wrap a little paper note around the leg, sometimes sealing it in a metal wrapper.  Now that was a long time ago!  Now, I am communicating and attempting to help others with cancer but I am finding out:  they are helping me!   We are all so lucky to be in a world, that can share information so quickly.  Technology is just fascinating to me.  Of course, I have been a software engineer for a long time and I love every new techie thing that comes out.

But during my treatment, I watched in amazement the technology that they used to track my cancer.  Its so fresh to talk about all this, its hard.  Everyone did their best to make me comfortable.  However, technology isn’t always comfortable.

Okay, I guess I can tell you about one funny thing.  Turquoise pee!  During a Sentinel Node Biopsy they injected me with radioactive dye, right in the you know where.  Well, okay I am a grown up, I can say it.  nipple.  There I said it! (I just got use to saying breasts!)  This procedure is done while you lie on your back and this ‘huge’ machine is over the top of you and it takes an xray of where the dye goes.  You want it to show up on the monitor screen that is right there.  It identifies the first of your lymph nodes.  This is very important because later this will tell the doctor, where lymph fluids go ‘first’ in leaving the breast.  If it appears some color, it goes on to the next lymph node, its not good.  I don’t know all the aspects of this, but basically…it tells them which one to track.  If you have cancer in the first one, they keep taking them out until they get them all.  Fortunately, mine only went to the first couple, and no cancer.  Afterwards,   my urine was bright turquoise for 3 days.  One of the nurses told me not to get it on anything, and clean my toilet thoroughly.  Oh…. and it was coming from me.

Sometimes while doing the sentinel node biopsy, they cannot get the radioactive stuff to move.  This is where the embarrassing part comes in because you have to do something to make the breast respond.  I am not going in to details. I will let your mind imagine. I thought I would die from humiliation.  Oh well, nothing like playing with yourself in public.  It wasn’t public, it was only me and the radiologist.  God grant me the serenity.

The good news is, nothing went to my lymph nodes.  All cancer was contained within the left breast.  This is all good news!

I think I will go back to reading my latest book, which I can recommend highly “Just Get Me Through This” The Practical Guide to Breast Cancer by Deborah A. Cohen with Robert M. Gelfand, M.D.

I will periodically recommend books I am reading. I hope they help. This book was great. Available at your local library!

Till we meet again!

HI Everyone,

The post this morning is  focused on people who have cancer, and how to organize yourself in preparing for going forward. The cancer bag is a really good idea for a Holiday gift too.  The sooner you get it the more organized and less confused you will be.

Having cancer is a challenging nightmare and most of the time the details are coming at you about 100 mph.  Your mind is in shock and  where my memory went, I will never know.  So some of the best advice I got from my oncologist (cancer doctor) was to obtain a bag, use it for only cancer things and keep everything in that bag.

This bag is to go everywhere with you; to each appointment.  Everything somebody gives you is dropped into the bag.  Pick up everything, all pamphlets, magazines, doctors business cards.  The other thing I recommend is one brand new notebook, preferably 8 1/2 by 11 inch sheets of paper.  And remember, 2 pens!!

On the cover of this notebook write your email address, your medical identification number from your insurance card, any portal (the medical office’s site) and your log in id and password. Yes, I know..write down my password? Yes write it down.  If you want to put it on the last page fine. Just make sure you remember where because you won’t remember anything as the stress increases. Keep it simple.  Who the heck wants to go to your med portal anyway.

Its a good idea to explain this bag to your family too.  On the inside of the notebook, staple all business cards in one place. You are going to need your doctors numbers, and oncology is great about giving you a direct number to call them.  And you will call them, often.  Keep a log in the notebook of appointments, instructions.  Note any things the doctors want you to do, decide, or NOT do.  Do not lift! Whatever.

At my first oncology appointment, my doctor went over in detail with me what cancer I had, and what the possibilities would be for every type of treatment I could receive.  Thankfully, he had this all typed into a nice document and stapled.  He wrote in the margins identifying for me, what was my stage, tumor info, and options.  He told me this document was to stay inside my cancer bag. I would need to read it over again.  (The paper is worn out!).  When I would get scared, I would look at the paper.  I would remember the goal: end the cancer.

Now a little about the bag.  It needs to be lightweight, something like a L’Sportsac.  You might not have any arm strength. It needs to be fairly large, so you can slip in a change of clothes if you have to, maybe a little makeup (but I could have cared less), instructions on how to get to your appointments.  Google is great for getting a map.  My appointments were spread from Downtown Seattle, 20 miles north to Bothell Canyon Park, and back over to Totem Lake and then Beacon Hill.  No day was ever the same.

ASK your doctor, right away, for a disability sticker for the car.  It will save you tons of pain, and lots of parking fees which can easily add up to 75.00 a week and you don’t need this now when your income has plummeted into the crapper. Trust me, you will need your money later.  This has saved me so much pain, time and sanity.

Now another topic, that none of us want to talk about or do. If you have already done this, fantastic!  Get yourself a Power of Attorney document and get it filled out, and notarized. No it is not in the event you die, its in the event you are incapacitated and somebody needs to take care of not only you, but your monthly bills, and things that need to be filled out to get you help.  This could be arranging home health care, pet care (my dogs both got sick during this…what a nightmare), depositing into your bank account, etc.

The other documents should be in a place also.  A Medical Directive. I know we hate all this stuff, but reality is striking home and its best to be prepared.  Having cancer treatment can be exhausting, and there are so many details to manage.  You won’t have time later, do this early and put it away.  No more worries for you or the family.

The last thing I want to suggest at this stage is, become familiar with the oncology social worker.  He or she can save you from insanity. Cancer is a disease of fear.   People: both friends and family, are in their own ‘freaked out’ mode. They will try and mend old fences, give you hours of advice and sometimes, avoid you all together. If you aren’t there, it isn’t happening!   Get yourself a social worker who is objective, and not personally involved.  Mine was the best advocate I have ever known.  She was knowledgeable in grief and loss.  She helped me work through my family issues in less than two hours! LOL…speed therapy.  I released them, they are doing the best they can.  I will take care of ME.  I am first now.  (more on caretakers with cancer later!!!).   And one good thing, she is free from the oncology department!

Get your bag, make it a pretty one if you are a gal, or if you are a guy get a cool leather one – you have more muscles anyway….maybe.

The bag is your friend.  Last thing in the evening, I dump it out on the bed and see all the new good stuff I have accumulated: It has magazines, book lists, reference cards for local chapters of Susan Komen foundation, Phone numbers!!! invaluable stuff, where to find help…which is a whole other blog.  My head is still spinning.

Just when my bag was getting pretty worn out, my dear life long friend Cindy quilted me a beautiful bag, with pockets and gorgeous colors.  On the card she wrote she stitched in courage, love and faith in each stitch.  Its my most priceless gift ever! Thank you Cindy (a 12 year survivor of breast cancer)!

Until tomorrow, go forth and conquer!

Medical Statements are boring.  I am trying to think of other things, like this blog while I pick on some stitches that are irritating my chest wall, and reviewing my Blue Cross medical statements. Chest wall? Sounds like a strange body part doesn’t it.  “How is your chest wall today?”

I have to call it something since Lefty is gone.   I am left with the sunken crater. I may name it ‘chest wall’ –     but I am suppose to think positive. Its hard to give a  feminine name to ‘it’.   Maybe I should have a contest…name the incision!   It doesn’t look like an incision to me but I am told by my faithful wonderful surgeon that it will look better in time.  But they sent me to a plastic surgeon, and I cannot remember one word he said.  I wouldn’t even recognize him on the street if I seen him.  but then, I don’t recognize many people.  I am told not to worry, this too will go away.  .

Oh, Wednesday, I get an artificial replacement for Lefty. That is so I can look nice and acceptable in public.  I will blog on that Thursday.  Nobody want’s to see the crater.  Not even me! It will make me sexy she said! Yes, right, sure.

(The sun just came out. Everyone in Seattle hurry to the window…Light rays..get em while they are hot).

Now you may think this is the most boring statement, but I can tell you that financially you need to review your statements. Okay, so I am  four months behind on looking at the medical bills …the quick glance seemed to indicate the insurance was paying everything.

Enter the ‘annual out of pocket deductible’.  This may seem odd also, like who gives a crap.. just give me the bottom,what do I owe?  Well, it may not be that simple and when bills run into the hundreds of thousands of dollars, its worth taking a look!  Because, maybe many of them should be applied to another bucket and not your liability.  I found four on the first page.  So it pays to review those bills.  Total savings today: $4,223.00

For example, I have a 6k out of pocket maximum per year.  Okay I reached that long time ago. However, as I looked carefully at my statements, I had a 20K charge for a lumpectomy, and later a 14K charge from the hospital when I stayed over night (I was feeling like a rock star with room rates like that…who else would have money for a room like that?).  I learned what an overnight stay is  defined as – 24 hours.  So if you have surgery at 6 am, and you get out of recovery at 11 am, and are moved to the room; they log when you enter the room.  The trick is here getting out before the clock ticks 24 hours from the time you enter the room.

Waiting, its all about waiting.  Virginia Mason is a great place to go to the hospital though while you wait.  They provide nice computers, and internet access totally free.  You can even apply for jobs there. I spent many days….well not many, three, using their system and searching for an IT job.  I think their equipment is better than mine! and the best part, it’s free.  Their response time is good to!  Go Virginia Mason!

I wonder what would happen if all the homeless on Capital Hill found out about this place. It even has two bathrooms.  Enter off 10th, 6th Floor Surgery waiting room.  I won’t tell!

I have a slightly sick sense of humor in case you haven’t notice. I will try not to offend anyone but if I don’t laugh at this; I will freak out.

This is day 14 of taking the Arimidex hormone blocker medication; and I am t i r e d……..I don’t know if it’s the med or the weather in Seattle. It’s pouring down rain and cold.  Some of the harshest weather I have seen here.

I have to take this stuff for five years.  The side effects can be nausea, vomiting, osteoporosis – fractures, hair loss and a mirade of other things.  But I guess it is a lot better than being dead, or having a re occurrence of cancer.  Its blocks estrogen and progesterone which are running a muck in my body and nobody seems to know why but they know they can stop it with this medicine.  Okay. The analyst in me wants to know the cause, in addition to the cure. Hmm.

The younger generation has come up with a new buzzword.  It’s called shitstorm.  I cringed when I heard this the first time.  Oh, my what could that refer to? Well I guess it refers to when your life basically goes to the crapper.

Everybody’s life has something.  I am coming to accept this. I don’t feel like writing today, or being witty.  So I can choose to be positive.

Hey I was listening to this Harvard Professor on Channel 9, Shawn Achor teach a class on happiness.  He said if you cannot make smile, put a pencil cross ways in your mouth and bite down on it. It has the same effect on the brain as a smile.  It’s suppose to give you the chemicals that make you happy.  So if you see me sitting around with a pencil in my mouth, you know I am reaching for the stars. I will put a link at the bottom here to his You Tube video. Its pretty good.

Life is all about Plan B – so I am compiling Plan B.  Plan A didn’t work out, so I must find the courage and strength to go to the backup plan.

Today I am thankful.  I think I will go back to the cozy couch and pull the blankets on, and just do this moment.  Remember this is the moment that you have. I am so aware of this moment now.

I have a favorite quote from James Allen:  “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream.  The oak sleeps in the acorn; the bird sleeps in the egg; and in the highest vision of the soul, a waking angel stirs.  Dreams are the seedlings of reality.”

Bonnie – I promise to entertain you more tomorrow, or at least inform.

Video: Shawn Achor, Part 1: The Science of Happiness and Potential

As the world begins grieving the Newtown, Connecticut shootings, I can’t help but think about the grief that will happen to all these people.  When I was in the hospital, and met with a psychiatric social worker,( because I asked) she reminded me of Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s books on grief, which I knew of.

When I was young, my brother was killed in a terrible accident.  It was quick, and he died on scene, and I won’t go into those details.  I was informed when a woman I had met one time at a gathering at my brother’s knocked on the door.  I wrote about it in my book, Pockets of Hope.  Number 23 of  my 50 I remembers.  “I remember the woman at the door, who told me she was so sorry my brother died so horribly.  I didn’t know.”

Its over 30 years later, and most of the shock and pain of that moment lives in my heart.  Its something you can’t even wrap your head around.  When delivered news of devastating impact, your body can block the shock leaving you in a vacuum type of aura.  I imagine the black hole that struck Ryan Lanza when he heard that he was being identified as the shooter at that Newtown elementary school.  He knew he was not there, that he was innocent.  But his mother was dead, and many others, small children.  Imagine the pain..the utter horror of the event unfolding and others thinking it was you!

Today, my cancer loss seems so simple. Its mine, and I walk my stages albeit slowly.  The people and country will start to mourn the process of such a tragic loss.  Be kind to those around you.  This is reality! This is now, and the shock is very raw.

You cannot prepare for grief.  No one processes it the same way.

1. The basics are   Isolation and Denial.  I mean afterall …who wants to live in this situation.  Get me out of here, and ‘run’ to the nearest exit.  This is a time to be kind to loved ones.
2. Anger:  Oh this one is large, and may come and go; as can all the stages.  They repeat themselves.  No, not me!  Not our family, God please revert us back to yesterday.
3. Bargaining -  I will do anything, anything to change this.  Its not going to happen, but our heart pleads, begs, and cries.
4. Depression:  Reality bites, and the black cloud consumes you as you realize nothing is going to change the history.  For me, with cancer this stage was very private, very painful and I was especially subject to flipping back to anger. I have known people who have lost children, and people say some of the stupidest things…..if in doubt, leave it out.  The only good advice someone ever gave me and it refers to a lot of things in life.  Shut up.  First do no harm (take the medical oath and pretend to be a doctor). Just be there!
5. Acceptance – Coping with loss is an ultimately personal and unique experience.  Nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this stage. The best thing to do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you and let people help if they can.  If they are not of help let them kindly know (its easier on you..be selfish) that you need to be alone for a bit.

If tears were dollars, I would be rich.  Before all this cancer, I had probably not cried in years.  Now it happens at least daily.  But I have learned to ask for professional help.  They are there.  My advice is to search out and find help.  For cancer patients its everywhere. Later I will list some links to sites for all types of help including financial, support groups….I am not much of a support group person but remember, friends and family are too emotionally involved with you, and they are not trained professionals.  Get help.  You will get through this earlier.

No, life won’t be the same.  Nope.  Natta.  But life can be better in time, it can be fresh, and no person, or body part has to be gone forever.  They live in your heart forever.  And that keeps them alive!

Bonnie