The Tree of Cancer

Remember Sally Fields and her bone commercial about Osteoporosis? from a few years back?  I am taking a pill Arimidex that may cause  bone loss, may contribute to bone breaks, and other scary things.

It is important to take action against bone loss before it even starts and that is exactly what I intend to work on with my Oncologist.

There are so many health issues, that I have to address to stay healthy and ahead of the ‘game’  it all gets overwhelming. I feel like I am not starting from the ‘starting gate ‘ either, but from way behind.  But I can manage my health going forward but there of course, are no guarantees.

So, have you ever gone to the Whole Foods store and tried to find calcium?  Just plain old calcium?  There are so many different brands and mixtures…there are bottles, there are bags with coins that look like chocolate.  The bag says it is premium milk chocolate, with Calcium, Vitamin D3, and Magnesium.  Hmmm…sounds good.  30 calories each.  This product is called Adora.  There are other bottles of pills that look like they should be for a horse to swallow.  (I don’t think horses swallow pills anyway).   I opt for Adora and the only problem I can see is limiting myself to two a day. I want to eat the whole bag.

Then I worry.  I don’t want to take these pills.  They are tiny little white things and I wonder as I swallow which bone will break first.

Then I know that exercise, and weight bearing exercise will help in the fight against this.  Oh yes, like my body is ready for that.  I was so mad at my arm yesterday, I felt like the guy in the wilderness who cut his off……….just get it off me.  It finally calmed down.  Today the arm is pretty good, of course all I have done today is put highlights in my hair ( yes there are things I am not giving up).  You ever try and do your hair with one hand?

So I set up an organization sheet with my own exercises on it and posted it on the fridge.   Three fifteen minute walks every day.  Five arm exercises…won’t bother to bore you with details.  2lb weight lifting, repetitions starting with five for the left arm. 50 for the right.  I need strength somewhere.

The oncologist said something that stuck with me the last time I was there expressing doubt about these estrogen blockers/progesterone blockers.  He said he can fix a broken bone, but it might not be so easy to fix a re occurrence of cancer.  Arimidex – I better let it do its job.  I want to be around to see my granddaughter walk down the isle, and my grandson graduate from high school.  I want to take long hikes, and I want to live.  I am thankful to have a choice.

Down the hatch!  Me and Sally, but I think my commitment is there.

I think I will have another calcium chew.  No trans fat, no corn syrup, and gluten free.

Have a great day.

The gifts of cancer.  TGOC

Tell everyone you love, that you love them.  It really messes with their heads.

Hug a complete stranger, and give him all your cash.  Keep the homeless guys in cash.  I could care less if they use it for drugs, or alcohol or for food.  Its a gift.  No strings attached.  Get a life.

Compliment somebody!  Look!  Open your eyes and make someone’s day.  Be sincere and actually see your world.

Say thank you when someone has helped.

Take action.  Don’t just talk about doing something, or think about it, just go do it!

I got two of the best guys in the world that work in my neighborhood. They are two Mexicans that make about 10 bucks an hour, and neither one of them speaks a lot of English.  When I went to the hospital for my 2nd surgery, my roof fell apart and had a six inch wide nine foot long hole in it.  When I got home, these two guys had re-roofed my whole house.  Without a blink of an eye. I asked them if they could do it this fall, but I had no expectation that they would get it done while I was in the hospital for a day surgery.  They charged $300.00!!!!!!!!!!!!  When was the last time you got a roof for that?

The lady that runs the gift shop in the medical office at Pac Med on capitol hill listened to me when I dropped by after seeing the oncologist.  Of course, I am telling everyone to get a mammogram. She is about 50 and she said no she had never done that.  I told her I would be back in a week and she better have an appointment.  I shared my story with her.  I didn’t get back for another two months. She was so excited when she seen me!!!  (This is the place I bought my cancer bag the first visit).  She wanted a hug, but I said NO…just a smile please…it was after the mastectomy!  She had gifts for me. A purple scarf…I wear almost everywhere I go…a purple bracelet that matched that I love.  And she gave me a calendar…..Life …Plan B!  She scheduled the mammogram!

Gifts appearing out of no where.  New Friends.

I found courage and strength from an on-line friend.  I am trying to figure out how I can send her son to college cause she won’t be here.  I will have to find out how much time I have, and how old he is; and then figure it out…I am pretty good about figuring things out.

There is a reason for everything that happens.  Who’s going to cross your path today?  What are you going to do?

Have a great day!!!!!!!

I am like an ‘energy’ project.  My body is on conservation mode. Its like I have a thermostat, and I only get so many hours of the day when the thermostat is set to be ‘on’.  I am learning I have to Conserve my energy for activities, that I need to choose selectively.  And, I have to ask my friends to give me some slack at times I don’t feel like I can go out or do something.  The thought of walking all around the mall made me tired.

But balancing activity and rest for me works if I balance my physical activity by taking frequent rest periods.  When going out with a friend, I have had to ask that we slow the pace down.  Nothing irritates me like somebody walking in front of me expecting me to keep up.(I had a husband that did that once, and it still irks me).  I would rather go alone.  It strengthens me, and I go at the pace that I can go at.  I eat regularly planned meals, because on top of the C word, I have diabetes.  Even if I don’t plan the meal, after ten years of this I know what time I need to be eating or snacking.  If I don’t do this, I can be in trouble with low blood sugar pretty quick.

Managing the side effect of fatigue for me is probably more related to stress, and anxiety and all the change I am under.  It probably is contributed to by the lack of me not asking for help, something I have never been very good about.

Have you ever had hints that you ignore?  I think about a book I read once a long time ago about the type of people that get cancer.  It was called The Little Red Hen, you know the story about the hen that did everything and she thought nobody would help her, so she did it herself?  That article wrote that the Hen is the one who gets cancer. The Hen is the one that tries to save the family, blah blah blah!  I never want to be the Hen again.  Maybe that article was trying to tell me something.

I really don’t know what I am suppose to say here because my audience has expanded, and I feel like I am letting the world into my diary and it is INVASIVE.   But the doctor thinks its good. I write, you might read, and I heal and recover.  I am into that.

Fatigue I have learned is a side effect of this entire experience. I am sure it would be worse if I had chemo, but I didn’t.   But these pills are no picnic either.  They said I might have hot flashes.  Honey, I would welcome a hot flash.  I have been Cold for months.  I could do without the nausea but like many things in my life I ignore it.

There is nothing like sleeping with a knit hat on, electric blanket, a down comforter and the furnace on 72. and I am still cold.  Hot flash? Bring em on!

Yesterday, I was going to clean the house but it wasn’t raining.  See my thought process here? One shouldn’t stay inside if it is not training.  So I went off to the mall and shopped a bit, and walked.  I decided it was easier to walk indoors than out, a lot warmer too.  However, I started to worry about all the flu that might be in this place.  I am getting a little bit to much like Howie Mandel about not wanting to be near germs, and not shake hands.  And I sure am not ready yet to have somebody hug me!

Where did all these people come from at the Mall?  They were everywhere. Maybe after the ‘fiscal cliff’ thing, people decided to shop.  I did get a good deal on a pair of shoes.  I have a sign on my wall that says “a woman can never have enough shoes, or friends”.  I am sure the picture is correct.  I got a good pair of Clark’s walking shoes.

I am not tired today.  The Seahawks play this afternoon and I want to watch the game.  But when I feel good, I feel like I should get out and get something done. (There’s that damn word should the therapist warned me about)   My arm is happy today to, so far.  It will swell like a balloon later but not until 6pm ish.  I am off all pain meds, everything even the Tylenol.  And I am doing okay. I don’t sleep well. I got up this morning and turned on the light, thinking about a cup of coffee.  When I opened the refrigerator to get my half and half, I noticed the time on the stove:  2:20.   Well, I guess it isn’t quite time to get up, is it; let alone have coffee.  I reluctantly go back to bed, talk to the dog for a few minutes till she starts growling …”shut up and go back to sleep”.  I try reading, the dog climbs under the blankets now…totally displaced with me having the lights on.  I don’t give a crap about the book either.  Dr. Wayne Dyer says waking up in the middle of the night is good.  It is suppose to be a time of divine revelation.  I listen.  Nope.  Nothing.  No revelations, no earth shaking awareness.

I am either wide awake or dead tired. There seems to be no reason either way.  I am adding exercise each day, working up from 15 minutes to 30.  I use to think nothing of a fast paced walk for 60 minutes every day……….well that is not going to happen. I would get somewhere and somebody would have to come get me.

Speaking of which, Monday I am off to a store in Seattle that provides special products for patients.  Insurance covers many of these items.  I need to find a swimming suit and get back in the water.  Their info follows:

Location & Store Hours

Shine is open Monday-Friday: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. and Saturday: 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. We are located next to the SCCA House at 207 Pontius Ave N, Suite 101, Seattle, 98109. Free Shuttle Service from SCCA. Contact us at: retail@seattlecca.org; (206) 288-7560 (p) or (206) 288-7167 (fax).   http://www.seattlecca.org/shine.cfm

Well, have a great day! Go Seahawks! Its almost time!  I have rattled enough.

Hey everybody,  I hope I didn’t write about this before, but I am trying it again – on my mastectomy site. (Where Lefty was).

I never would have believed this in my lifetime if I hadn’t tried it.  The oncology social worker told me about this after I had a procedure called sentinel node biopsy.  This incision would not stop hurting.  I don’t care how much pain meds I took the only thing they did was put me to sleep and it still hurt when I woke up, and my head was fuzzy.

That’s the hardest part about pain meds, they fuzzy up your brain.

Well this is her solution.  I expected some high psychiatry version of stress control.  But it was sweet and simple; and I swear it works.

Go to the kitchen and get a fry pan, add some white flour.  I used whole wheat and it worked the same.  Turn the heat on medium and put in about one cup of flour and spread it around the bottom of the pan.  Heat until it slightly browns, stirring all the time. Takes about 3-4 minutes.  Remove from heat.  Let cool a little, then put it in the center of paper towel.  The towel has to be white, without any colors on it.  You could also use white linen towels.  Fold the edges around, over and over, until the flour is sealed in the wrap. I just folded it four times, and nothing leaked out.  The size was about 4 x 3 inches.  Figure out what size you need to cover.

Put the warm (not hot) over the part that is hurting from surgery or sprain, or whatever. Of course you would not lie it directly on an incision but I did.  I put it inside my camisole, partly under my arm and then I layed down for twenty minutes.  It relaxes, so I wondered if it was the resting doing it.  I left the flour packet on my incision for 24 hours.  It gets cold, that doesn’t matter.  The next day, the inside of the white packet that had been against the skin looked yellowish.

Honestly, that incision had bothered me for almost two weeks.  It never hurt again.  So last night, I was thinking I should try this again across the whole mastectomy site and see if it would loosen the skin up. The skin is so tight it is like it is stapled to my rib cage.  As you can imagine, its uncomfortable and I get so cranky.  When the dogs start hiding, I know I need to do something.   And since somebody had the bright idea to take away my pain pills I am left with Polish old remedies from somebody that probably knows what she is doing, with a PHD added on.)  It didn’t work as easily, as it did for the biopsy but it did bring relief.  Its harmless, cheap and effective, and non addictive.  Thanks Margaret.

I think I will do it again.  And visualize a beach in Hawaii.

Here’s to recovery.  Use what you have!  What have you to lose but one cup of flour, 4 minutes and discomfort?

No I haven’t forgotten my blog.  I have been staring at the page, or not, for three days.  I have been so tired.  The after holiday crashes are exhausting for everybody, but coming out of the last four months of cancer treatment have left me ‘pooped’.

I spent most of December applying for college, getting transcripts from ancient times (you wouldn’t think this wouldn’t be difficult but I got caught in an administrative nightmare…patience…), and finally getting accepted.  I have two AA degrees, and on my bucket list was to have my bachelors degree, and maybe even a masters.  I think I have time!

But my greatest life lessons are coming from the past six months.  I am not even aware of what they all are yet, but I discussed this with my doctor today.  He planted some interesting thoughts in my head.  He also gave me some reaffirmation that all this has changed me forever.  Ha, it wasn’t just in my head.  It seems like everyday I realize things that were not true – that I thought were, or things that I let people get away with – that I will try never to repeat.  Gifts come in strange packages.

I am 60 now. (Do you know how I cringe to even say the number? For years I lied about my age..but I quit that now)  You would think that I would have this life thing figured out.  I am discovering it is just opening a new door.  I am thankful for the opportunity to see another season in my life, to experience a deeper richer life, and just to wake up and feel good.  But I am not all there yet, and I am still tired.  I have so much time to think about everything.  When you are recovering from anything, its like nature says ‘stop’ and I am now going to ‘make’ you listen.

So I listen to the story of my life.  And I see the errors of my ways, and I also see a lot of good things to.  Right now I don’t know how I am going to handle some of the negatives, and I am not going to exclusively focus on them at this time; I am going to focus on the positive – moving forward and getting healthy.  But I won’t ignore them either.   Gifts come in strange packages.

Remember, its the new year, and ladies get your mammograms!  If you don’t have insurance there are places to get free ones.  And speaking of free stuff, my friend Ann had a list of   free things for cancer patients and I would thank her, and give you the link.  Check it out at

http://www.butdoctorihatepink.com/2010/02/free-stuff.html

Throw  out your old makeup advice, from Ann:  “(One thing I hadn’t thought of – your old makeup has bacteria on it – and when your white counts are low you can get an infection from it. So, this new makeup is not only fun but necessary for your health.)”A.S.

I did some research, and women should throw away mascara  that is older than three months anyway, because it gets bacteria on it. I got a nasty eye infection between my second and third surgery, and I am sure that’s where I got it. If you see people in treatment that don’t wear makeup (some people don’t anyway) but this is a good reason not to ….bacteria.  Throw out that three year old eye shadow. And lipstick should be replaced often.  I remember my friend Carol has hundreds of lipsticks….I shudder at the thought now.

The best advice is new is nice.  The Look Good Feel Great class sponsored by the American Cancer Society is wonderful, and has tons of free stuff and a great teacher  with tips on how to apply so you look and feel good.  (I am not sure it always helps but most days it does). Try it.  Can’t hurt and its free.

Now if somebody would just come and clean the house.  LOL

See ya tomorrow!!!!!!!!  Have a great night!

Wow, how did it get to be January, and the year 2013?  Twelve is gone, and we didn’t disappear, although we had lots of tragedies in the world.  Every year I say this, it’s gotta be better this year.

I have some resolutions.  I am going to setup a different site, and publish the book I had been working on the past several years.  Its about a woman from Seattle, Violet Holdsworth, who was a prisoner of War during WWII in the Phillipines.  She graduated from Franklin High School in Seattle and she journaled everyday, hiding her diaries in obscure places while the Japanese watched her every move.  Her husband, Phil was held also.  They were captive for five years.  Their story is fantastic, and I have many pictures her son sent to me from Alaska, and her original diary.  Its been on my list of things to get done, and this year it will get done.  In remembrance of Violet.

Another thing I am going to do this year is finish my Bachelors Degree. I am accepted at WGU and I can work at my own pace.  Right now I have lots of time to read and write, so I am going to get focused and commit.  Writing this page, has helped with that.

The next thing on my to do list is get back in the swimming pool.  Tomorrow I have set up some appointments to go check some places out.  I sure won’t win any contests in the bathing suit arena, but it will be good for my health and that is my priority.

Following close behind that is I am going to sign up my  service dog to go in to health care facilities again, and volunteer her time.  She has been out of work way to long and I can now go into a cancer ward with no problem.  She is very good with people who are ill, and this experience has given me a new found compassion and patience.

Then, there is the health and nutrition issue.  All the data is so overwhelming.  On top of that, there are the vitamins I wonder about.  All of these were things that were important before cancer.  In Seattle, the Cancer Lifeline publishes a Jan – April, 2013 catalog that is out, and available now.  Its free and you can get a copy at www.cancerlifeline.org.  All programs are free of charge and are for patients, survivors, friends, family and co-workers.

My other priority, is designing my spring garden. I have a great space behind my house that needs a design.  For those of you that don’t know, I just moved into this house in July, and started the treatment early August so I didn’t get any time to get anything done!

Now I have some time to focus on how I am going to design this garden space, putting in some flowers and some garden vegetables. Its a great space for sun (if we get any this year) and will brighten up a now plain area next to the greenbelt.

Well I have some plans.  Have you done yours yet?  I hope this gave you some ideas.  I have a birthday coming up in January, and I am going to celebrate this one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodnite!!!!!!!!

I am a combination of extremely thankful to many people and happy that we are going into a new year.  I am glad the year is over, and that I am still on this side of the grass.

But in case I haven’t said it enough:

Thank you to Sam!  Countless thank you’s! what a good friend you are!

Thank you to Jennifer who sent an unexpected Pizza..yum yum!

Thank you to Kate in Montreal and all her efforts with Western Union.  Boy that was an education.

Thank you to Anne.  A renewed friendship is the best gift!

Thanks to the best surgeon a patient could ask for.  I hope now I won’t need your services we can be friends.  No…I am not worrying (inside joke).

Of course, thank you to Karen. I would still be sitting there if it wasn’t for you.  Almost 30 years of friendship….priceless.

Thanks to Cindy.  She quilted me the most beautiful bag.  The people at Nordstrom wanted to buy it.  Nope, its my gift.

Thank you to Jules who sat up all night with me.  We both hate drain tubes.  My dogs loved her and I got a good nights rest.

Thanks to my dogs, who were faithfully there through all the smells, tubes, vomiting and pain.

Thanks to Ann Silberman, I hope you make it, but I understand your need to go.  Your son will be a good father, and you will see ‘it’. Graduation is around the corner.  Hugs!

Goodbye to Elaine, who fought a long battle with the help of Keith her loving husband.  Her blog was my first inspiration.

Goodbye to Aunt Nancy, who fought her own battle for 30 years.  She is living proof you can live a long time with this disease and have a full life anyway.

Thanks to the social worker, who provided a vast amount of information, comfort and realization about family.  It helped to reset my expectations and realize people can only do what they can do and to let it go at that.

Thanks to Mary, for the 12 pound prosthesis that I think is the dumbest thing anyone ever invented.  But I suppose I look good and when I fully recover it won’t make me so sore.

I leave you with one message: be nice, and play nice this 2013.

Happy New Year, see you on the other side of the fiscal cliff. LOL

It’s hard to believe. I looked at the calendar and thought it was six months, but its really only five months since the day I had the infamous mammogram.  So much has happened.

Talk about living in  denial.  I have continuously looked for work.  When I was in the waiting room at Virginia Mason, I used their computer and applied for work.  I wonder how that looked?  I physically looked pretty scary!  I had just had a set of wires put in my chest which were inserted through hollow needles.  When the wires are set, marking the beginning and the end of the cancer location, they pull the needles out, and leave the wire behind.  The surgeon uses these to locate where he needs to start and stop the lumpectomy.  Curiously enough, these were not successful.  But…in the meantime, these things stuck out about six inches and the tech wrapped them in some kind of white linen gauze.  I appeared to have a T-Pee on my chest.  Then they sent me to the waiting room to wait for my surgery which was about an hour and a half later.  Thirty minutes after that, I walked out the door going home.

Meanwhile, you should have seen the look on the men’s face in the waiting room.  I mean men because that is who stared.  The women, they just went on chatting and acting like everything was normal.  One little boy came over and stared at me and pointed. He didn’t say a word.  He was cute, about 5 years old.  I just smiled at him and said it didn’t hurt.  He had been smiling up to that time, but when I said that he ran back to his mother and through his head in her lap.  I felt like that too.  But at that moment I giggled and had a good laugh.  People are so weird, and they just love to live in denial.

Oh well, it might be a good place to live.  Yes, that’s where I am from; Denial, USA.

On the weird side, I read everyday, and I wanted to share with you an article that is in Dec/Jan 2013 Mother Earth News.  There is a headline on the cover page that says  “GE Teflon Light Bulbs Kill Chickens”.   This is suppose to be a new humane way to kill chickens. I don’t think I will run out and buy these and put them in my home!

If these can kill a chicken, how healthy can this be in our home??  I am getting very skeptical of products now.

Meanwhile, I am busy filling out job applications, and when I look in the mirror I see how much better I look.  Color is back, hair is growing like crazy – it never fell out because I didn’t have chemo, but it broke off probably from anethesia…or maybe how frightening the whole thing has been.  But my cheeks are red, my eyes are white, and my attitude is up!  Now if my arm would just cooperate.

Bonnie

Hey everybody!   No I didn’t drop off the face of the earth.  What happens when you forget your password, and all your friends disappear that can fix it?? – no blogging.

I finally remembered.  I wrote it down backwards, just to be cute and not let anybody in, but the only person who didn’t get in was me!

I am back online, but my arm is bothering me so much I shouldn’t be on here anyway. I probably over did it yesterday.  I am healing up just fine and getting out, but the darn arm is giving me grief. It swells up.

I am not suppose to lift anything heavy yet.  So, I got a turkey and it was in the refrigerator after I rolled it across the floor, and used a lever to roll it up on the first shelf.  Well the expiration date was the 27th so, I had to cook it. Now, how am I suppose to get it into the pan?  I figured it would fit in a 8 x 13 cake pan.  Obviously it has been awhile since I cooked a turkey.  Good news is, it went into the pan.  Bad news was this turkey was full of juice.  Bad news:  oven is a mess!

I got the pan ready and set it on a towel in front of the refrigerator. I was not going to lift the bird.  I rolled it out of the refrigerator with a thud onto a towel in front of the door.  I next cut the bag open with a knife only to be flooded with turkey blood and crap all over the floor. Thank God for dogs! LOL.  When I finally wrestled it into the pan, salted it, and didn’t add any liquids yet; the turkey was ready.  Ready for somebody to lift it two feet off the ground.  I tested it with my right arm.  Hmmmm, not to bad.  How long could this take? How could I walk it up a board into the oven?  Would the dog do it? Nope, not if I wanted anything left.  What neighbor could be found? None.

Could I cut the turkey in two?  No, I only have the right arm and it isn’t strong enough.  sun beach…..  Okay, I decided to give it a go. First I made sure I was right by the oven door that was open, and the oven was hot.  (This probably wasn’t necessary because I felt like a sauna after it was all over….actually it felt good).  I picked it up and set it on a short step stool I have.  Half way there, we are looking good!  Rest a minute.  Lift.   SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Turkey was in the oven.  No stuffing but hey, I got the bird in.

Later when the bird was done, the pan was full.  Way to heavy for me to take out all together, but I gently pulled the bird apart and put it in small heaps on a bunch of different little plates.  It was so good and me and the dogs had turkey for dinner (and for days I do imagine).

Tomorrow is turkey soup day.  Things are looking up. I can conquer all kinds of tasks!

Bonnie

Good morning,

I decided to change the look of the web site.  Something not quite so dark and looking towards change.  I hope you like it.  I promise to keep ads or other items to a minimum.  The page will grow, as I do!

Life’s what happens when you go to Plan B.  Things will be different, not necessarily worse nor better, but different.

Cancer and cancer treatment is like that too.  There are just as many options, choices, and cancers as the tree on the top of this page.  No two are alike, and no two treatments are alike and most likely, the outcomes will be different.   Kinda scary walking down that road, but what I am learning from everyone else on the journey, that its not all bad.  In fact, its hard to appreciate the light until you have seen darkness.

When I first started my journey, I went back to a doctor I had known for almost 15 years..maybe more. I had wandered away and tried a couple of others.  But I went back because I trusted him.  I needed somebody to trust.  He found my team.  Many times, other survivors told me to get another opinion, especially if I was scared about something.  But I didn’t.  I put my trust and faith into the team I went with.  It gave me peace of mind, and I held nothing back. When I had a question, I asked.  If one of em could not tell me, I asked another one.  When I worried, I went to the social worker at the hospital.

Baby steps.  Financial worries.Being single and living alone, this was a daunting experience.  How can you think about what bill to pay, when you are sleeping all the time, on meds that would knock out an elephant and nervous about the next surgery (when the anti anxiety meds wore off).  I didn’t worry long.  I popped another anxiety pill.    You do what you have to do to get through it all.  I could relax and make a decision, or at least live with it.

Being an analyst. I found the entire process very interesting.  Instead of reviewing some boring IT report at work, I was learning and utilizing the latest technology in medicine.  Most of the time, I was awake and under a local for things that were done.  Its amazing to watch how they can track how fluids travel in your body.  I didn’t know anything about how my breasts worked before this adventure. I mean I knew they were to feed babies but that was about it.

They are actually more like an oil filter for your car.  They carry fluids in and out, and filter bacteria and send fluids out to your arms and back again.  Down one side and all around and back in through the other one.  Kind of like a car engine.  Lucky we are not cars, because we have two filters.  I don’t know what happens when women loose both of them.  I don’t want to find out.

I know though, that when you get knocked down unexpectedly, you have to reach in your soul somewhere and decide to get up.  There are many days when getting up doesn’t seem like its an option.  But you must get up.  Pull yourself up.  Build a new dream.  Even if your dream is not feasible, dream and do it.  If I can’t stand the rain, I pull the drapes and put on some good music and dance.  I am using it as my new therapy to revive this arm that doesn’t like to do anything but type.  Isn’t that interesting, I can still keyboard like the wind!  My old brain sends the message out and off it goes.  I pay for it later, but I think its good for me.

When you get on a roller coaster, throw your arms in the air and start screaming and enjoy the ride.  I might only have one arm up but it is UP!!

Today I am writing my check list.  I need lists and I post them everywhere but mainly on the refrigerator.  Where am I suppose to be today?  I keep missing my eye appointment, whats up with that?

I hope you all have a great day, and remember Plan B – when life turns left!!!!!!!!!

I think Nelson Mandela was the one who said a goal is a dream with a deadline….thinking about my goals and what they are now.